To Give Comfort
by slery
Summary: Reid and Hotch begin a journey of friendship that will forever change their lives.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

This is a short introduction to my new series. It will be a multi-chapter epic contained under one title. The chapters will be clearly labeled within the story but may span more than one chapter for length. My goal is to post whole story chapters at one time even if they span more than one chapter. This means that several chapter may be posted on the same day or span several days in a row. At the end of a chapter/episode, there is the possibility for long delays.

I am not sure if this should be called an AU or not. It will be Reid and Hotch friendship/father figure in nature so this doesn't totally fit with canon. I am going to follow the episodes starting with Gideon leaving. There may not be a chapter for every episode but I am going to review them as I go along. The story has a main outline but I am allowing things to be a little fluid while I review the in between episodes that I have not plotted yet. There is also the possibility that I may have some chapters that contain things that will happen between episodes.

There will be some dialogue taken directly from episodes. For the most part, these will be a couple of lines here or there. Typically, it will happen when I am incorporating a scene from the episode that will not work unless I use the dialogue as it was given. Because my intention is to use as little as possible of the original dialogue, it will not be indicated in any special formatting.

If you have ideas for episodes I have not completed yet, feel free to send ideas. However, be aware that I tend to be at least two episodes beyond what I have posted. When I finish a chapter, I will send it to beta 1. While she is reviewing it, I am already working on the next chapter. When it comes back, I review her comments and then send it to beta 2. I may still be working on the next chapter or I may already have started the next one and send on a new episode to beta 1 while beta 2 is reviewing. Typically, I will post a chapter after I review it from beta 2.

I have been working on notes for this series since shortly before I posted my first fic "Time of Need." I hope you enjoy this series and since it will be a long process and no current end in sight, I will have other stories that I post along with it.


	2. Chapter 1 In Birth and Death

**Season 3 episode2**

**In Birth and Death**

**Chapter 1**

JJ glanced at the sullen look on Reid's face and placed the files on the table. She looked up when Morgan sauntered in. "What? No Hotch and now no Gideon? You'd think that with two weeks off these guys could be on time."

"Yeah, 'cause your never late." Reid snapped.

JJ and Morgan both looked at the skinny man; she was a little concerned. First, Reid spent all night at the BAU waiting for Gideon and now he was getting snarky, which was very un-Reid-like. JJ continued the briefing but took note of the nervous gestures made by the long fingers. He scratched his nose, rubbed his knuckles with his thumb, and, in general, just twitched frantically. The older woman felt like he was her little brother and she was determined to keep an eye on him. The poor kid was rife with abandonment issues and trusted very few people. His trust in her was tenuous at best. She was ready to throttle Gideon if he didn't call Spencer soon.

-x-

Reid closed his eyes and thought about Gideon. He knew the older man was having a hard time and he had been hoping the chess game would take his mind off what had happened.

The dream he had, after falling asleep in Gideon's office waiting, was horrible. Spencer had pushed that memory back for years, but Tobias and his "help" had brought it up from the depths. The backs of his eyelids provided a vivid replay of his father packing his things and walking out of Spencer's life.

Spencer kept replaying their case in New Orleans and tried to figure out what he had said or done that had finally sent the older man fleeing from him. Reid slipped his hand in his messenger bag and felt the cool glass vials; he couldn't believe how stupid he was.

He opened his eyes and watched Morgan walk into the room.

"What? No Hotch and now no Gideon? You'd think with two weeks off these guys could be on time." Morgan said.

"Yeah, 'cause you're never late." Reid snapped.

He listened to the rest of the briefing, but he kept fidgeting. It was so unsettling to have everyone missing; it wasn't like them. He was the flaky one, especially now.

-x-

After the briefing, Morgan, JJ, Reid, and Strauss boarded the plane. Morgan was less than thrilled to have the director riding with them. He kept watching Reid, the young man was very distracted and Derek had to keep pulling him back into their discussion. This was the last thing Strauss needed to see after they were missing three members of the team.

-x-

_"Hotchner."_

"Hotch, man am I glad to hear your voice. Gideon still hasn't shown up." Morgan said.

_"I was afraid of that. I don't think you can plan on him being there for this case."_

Morgan ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. "Reid can't get him to answer his phone, and he's really starting to worry. JJ told me she found him asleep in Gideon's office this morning. Apparently he had been waiting there all night to play chess."

_"Damn, it! You need to keep an eye on Reid."_

"I was planning on it. I just can't believe Gideon would do this to the kid. He's had enough crap thrown at him in his short life. I'm not going to hold back this time when I see Gideon."

_There was a loud sigh across the phone line, and then, "Garcia gave me a copy of the file, and I'm looking over it now."_

"Great, we need you on this one. I'll keep in touch." Morgan closed the phone and continued down the corridor.

-x-

Hotch drove toward the crime scene. He was going to have hell to pay from Haley and Strauss, but he needed to be there for the team, especially Reid. Strauss had definitely been livid when she walked in and saw him and Prentiss sitting at the table with files in hand. Right now, however, he wanted to strangle Gideon. It was one thing to have problems and need some time, but he knew that boy needed him. Aaron slammed his fist against the wheel three times and then took two calming breaths. This was going to be pushed to the back; he could hurt Gideon later, when they found him.

Strauss almost had a breakdown at the scene. Hotch sent her away so he could work. This dump was different, and they needed to take in every detail. He looked back at Reid and saw the raw emotions in the hazel eyes. "I need your head here."

"I know."

Aaron sighed; that boy was a mess, but he was trying desperately to hide it. He was going to have to do something to make this better.

-x-

The search for the son was going nowhere. Hotch watched Reid intently.

"What if he's not a problem kid?" Reid whispered.

"What?" Morgan questioned.

"Forget it; it's off the text book profile."

"What is it Reid?" Hotch asked. He could see the young genius' confidence slip and knew it was because he felt abandoned by Gideon and didn't know where his place in the team laid.

"Sometimes, when a parent is unstable, especially if the other one is out of the picture, you'll do anything to be the perfect child."

Hotch watched the young man and knew he was speaking from experience. Spencer was definitely anything but the textbook version. Now, he just had to get them all through this case and make sure he was there for the kid no matter what happened with Strauss. He sent JJ and Reid back to the schools with the new information. When they got a hit, everyone headed to the address.

-x-

Spencer watched Prentiss as the EMT checked her out. He sucked in a harsh breath when he heard Hotch tell Strauss that it would be a mistake to break up the team. This was too much; his breathing became labored. Now he was going to lose everyone.

He tried to regain his focus and heard Morgan talking to Hotch. "Hotch, you mean that? You're not going to leave us?"

Hotch shook his head. "I don't know. I gotta talk to Haley."

Reid watched him walk away. This couldn't be happening; he couldn't process all the emotions rolling through him. He felt sick-he needed to make sure Gideon was okay. He pulled out his phone and dialed again. The earpiece trilled out every ring and then it went to voicemail, again. Spencer wanted to cry. He looked directly at the setting sun and hoped it would cause his eyes to tear up.

-x-

The tension in his shoulders built to an extremely tight level by the time he pulled in front of the cabin. Spencer hated driving at night, (he hated the darkness), and he was worried that his vision wouldn't be good enough to get him where he was going. The car was too quiet, and he scratched at the inside of his left arm-he would need a fix soon.

When the older man didn't answer the door, Spencer pulled out his flashlight and went inside. It was exactly what he was afraid of finding-the bookshelves were empty and the place had been cleaned-out. The floor felt like it was going to give way when he spotted the badge and gun. His steps were tentative and he slunk into the chair when he read his name on the envelope waiting for him.

This couldn't be happening it was too much, not now, not when he needed him the most. Spencer picked up the items and carried them back to his car. He couldn't deal with this. He sped around another corner and slammed on the brakes when he almost missed the turn. Carefully, he pressed the gas; he just needed to get home. His hands were shaking now. It was his fault and he knew it. Gideon couldn't deal with him and his problems anymore, so he had run away, just like his father.

The young man looked up and realized he was home. He was losing time; this had to be the beginning of the end. Carefully, Spencer made his way inside. The bed called to him and he pulled open the bedside drawer where he kept the fresh needles. It took little time to prepare everything and he kicked off his shoes before plunging the needle into a vein. He jerked off the tourniquet and pulled the pillow to his chest. The tears started to fall, and he curled up, hoping the drugs running through his body would take him into oblivion.

The Dilaudid mixed his memories of his father leaving with images of Gideon doing the same thing. Then Hotch was inserted into the role and finally exhaustion pushed the images away and a soul tearing emptiness pulled him into a deep sleep.

-x-

Hotch stood up from his desk and walked over to peer out the blinds on his window. He listened to the antics from below.

"Ow, stop it Derek." Reid sighed in frustration.

"Come on, kid. I bet you couldn't hit Prentiss with a ten-foot rubber band."

"Just leave him alone, Morgan. He's being a spoil-sport today."

It had been a week since Gideon's disappearance and Hotch was frustrated when he noticed Reid wouldn't join in but instead returned to working on his paperwork and ignoring the rubber bands piling on his desk. He closed the blinds and headed to JJ's office.

"Hey, Hotch. What can I do for you?" JJ said while continuing to type.

"I was wondering if you think there will be a new case any time soon?"

"There's a couple of consults that I'm still gathering facts on, but so far it doesn't look like anything big. Are you trying to make plans to see Jack?"

He ran a hand through his short, black hair-messing it up slightly. "No, but there is something I need to take care of. Call me if you get anything." Hotch turned on his heels and slipped his jacket off as he walked.

"Reid, my office." Hotch said just before he entered his office and then laid the jacket across the back of his chair.

"Uh, oh, someone's in trouble." Derek taunted from his desk while Reid turned to glare at him before making his way up the stairs.

Hotch sighed when Reid stepped into the office hanging his head so that his hair fell forward and he could hide behind it. After closing the door, Hotch stepped forward and pulled Reid into a two-armed hug and tried to will away the tenseness in the younger man.

"Hotch, what's going on?"

"I can't ask you if you're okay because you'll just lie and I know that you're not. I know Gideon really hurt you by leaving." He tried rubbing circles into Reid's back over the thick sweater-vest in hopes of easing some of the tension he could feel knotted there. "Just listen to me. Right now, I'm not your boss; I'm just your friend. And . . . I'm not leaving, Spencer."

There was a minute shifting, and then Reid's arms slowly came up around Hotch's waist and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as sobs broke free. The younger man lowered his head to Hotch's shoulder and let him finally take the burden that had been pulling him down for days. Reid pulled back and looked at Hotch with such deep pain pouring out of his eyes and asked, "What did I do wrong? What did I do to make him leave?"

Hotch caught his breath for a moment before realizing exactly how deep the hurt went. If he could find Gideon, he would make him pay for causing this much suffering. "You didn't do anything wrong, Spencer. It's not your fault that he left. It's not your fault that your father left. And it absolutely is not your fault that your mother is sick." He pulled Reid back into the hug and stood there rocking him for what seemed like hours but was actually under ten minutes.

They finally pulled out of the hug and Hotch could see what a mess the other man was. Hotch reached over and grabbed a tissue from the box on his desk. The longer fingers took it and wiped the tears viciously. "You're a mess; go get your things and I'll take you home." He watched the other man leave the office.

Reid slowly walked back to his desk and then just stood there looking like he couldn't remember what to do.

Hotch pulled his keys out of his pocket and walked down to the young agent's desk. He grabbed Reid's hand and placed the correct key in it. "Go wait in the car for me. It's on the third floor of the garage." The older man then gave him a gentle push towards the elevators. Hotch sat down and closed out Reid's computer and put files back in the inbox. He grabbed the worn satchel from the side of the desk and started to head back to his office.

"Hotch, what's wrong with Reid?" Derek asked from his desk.

"I'm taking Reid home." He called over his shoulder before quickly shutting down his own computer. After grabbing his jacket and picking Reid's bag back up, he hurried out to the elevators, not wanting Reid to be alone any longer than necessary.

-x-

Hotch stepped off the elevator and saw Reid standing at the edge of the curb just staring into space. "Reid, what's wrong?"

The young man turned around and Hotch could see how lost he was. Spencer had never been one to handle emotions well and now it seemed like he was drowning in them. Hotch placed his empty hand in the small of Reid's back and slowly guided him toward the car.

The drive to Reid's apartment was completed in silence. Hotch had considered turning the radio on, but after looking at the distraught agent, he decided against it.

Hotch watched Reid struggling with his keys; the young man couldn't seem to stop his hands from shaking. Gently, Hotch pried them from the long fingers and opened the door. He pushed Spencer forward and closed the door but when he turned around to take in the apartment, he was shocked at what he saw. There were books strung from every surface and covering the floor. They lay in various states of disarray, some were just tossed about, others were flipped open with pages bent every which way and the worst of all were the ones that had literally been torn apart. A couple of coffee mugs had been thrown at the wall and left indentations above their broken remains. Several pictures had been broken and lay in pieces on the floor, some of the pictures had been torn apart. A lone ashtray sat on the coffee table with a pile of ashes and a lighter. The curtains were even torn from the rod and several articles of clothing lay about.

"Spencer, what happened?"

"He left me." The boy whispered.

Hotch watched the sad countenance for a few minutes, then he set his go bag by the door and took off his suit coat. He reached down and started picking things up in the hall, trying to make a path to the living room.

"I'm sorry." Reid said softly.

The older man pulled clothes and books off the sofa and dumped them in the over-sized recliner. He walked back to where Reid was just standing there staring at the floor with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. Then he pulled a long arm free and gently tugged the thin man over to the couch and pushed him down to sit. Hotch sat in the corner and pulled Spencer into his arms. The younger man was very stiff, and it was obvious he had no idea how to react to being held.

"Spencer, have you ever had anyone that held 'you' and showed 'you' affection? Anyone that took care of 'you'?" Hotch asked, but felt he already knew the answer and it saddened him deeply.

"N-n-no." Reid replied and relaxed a tiny fraction. "Gideon tried."

Hotch closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Well, now you do. No matter what happens in our job, and you know Strauss can pull strings at times, as long as I'm not dead, I am going to be here for you. WE are going to get through this together." He couldn't tell the boy that Haley had already left him but he vowed he would never willingly leave this sweet but so fragile soul.

Spencer finally melted into the embrace and clung to him with a fierce desperation in the large hands. "It's okay now." Hotch whispered. "Just let go." There were no tears this time, but an old barrier finally broke in the young man.

Hotch held him tightly. "I know about the Dilaudid and I'm still making the promise not to leave. We'll get through that together, too." He quietly said. They stayed that way and the older man kept a watchful embrace around the broken man while he slept.

-x-

Several hours later, Reid final began waking up. He felt Hotch's silk tie against his nose and a button imbedded into his cheek. Sound finally filtered back in and he heard Hotch ask, "Why don't we order a pizza?"

"Sure." Spencer replied.

Hotch called in the order and then they started picking things up in the living room. Reid couldn't believe he had done all of this. It was as if he had been watching a stranger lash out. He had seen Morgan react this way many times but never believed that he was also capable of this kind of anger. A book in the corner caught his attention and he stopped sweeping up the broken mug. He picked up the mangled book gently. The spine was pulled away and some of the pages had been torn out. He caressed the cover and closed his eyes tightly until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I take it that one is special." Hotch asked.

Spencer nodded his head. "The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe it was my favorite."

Hotch gently covered his hand on the book. "We'll get another one."

Spencer turned his hand over and grasped Hotch's fingers. "It was the last book my m-mom gave me." He let Hotch pull him into a tight hug and for the first time in his life, Spencer finally had a man that cared about him and didn't expect anything in return. Gideon, like a long string of others, had helped him but wanted so much that Spencer felt he could never do enough.

Hotch gathered the pile of clothes while Reid folded the blanket and placed it at the end of the sofa. They walked to the bedroom together and he took the clothes and placed them in the hamper. He sighed loudly and began helping Hotch pick up the things in this room. The bell at the door rang and Hotch left him to go pay for the pizza. Spencer picked up a picture of Gideon and himself at his graduation from the FBI Academy.

"Reid, come on and let's eat."

He grabbed the remote from the TV and sat down next to the older man. They ate in companionable silence while watching the news. Reid picked up his plate and napkin and headed to the kitchen. "I'm going to take a shower." When he stepped into the bathroom, Hotch stepped up beside him.

"Let me put this away and I'll help you-"

Spencer stopped with his hand reaching for the medicine cabinet.

"How did this room escape the chaos?" Hotch asked.

Reid froze; his heart was beating too fast. "I was afraid of what would happen if I came in here." Luckily, Hotch let it go and Spencer closed the door. He started the shower and quickly stripped before grabbing a fresh needle, the shoelace, and a half empty vial of liquid heroin. Dilaudid wasn't available in the small town where he ran out. He felt a little guilty but then reminded himself that Hotch knew and had promised that they would get over it together. The needle was dumped in the used milk carton under the sink, he slipped into the shower, and sat down in the tub letting the water pour over him.

Once the water turned cold, he became a little more coherent and quickly washed his body but left his hair for tomorrow. He found Hotch cleaning up the broken dishes in the kitchen. "I can help."

"No, it can wait. Let's watch some TV." He let Hotch wrap an arm around his shoulders and guide him back to the living room. They watched some drama that Spencer had never seen before. He wrung his hands, trying to dispel the nervous energy that was coursing through him at these strange turn of events. After the third time that he crossed his arms over his stomach, Hotch reached over and grabbed his hand.

"It's going to be okay, I promise."

Reid finally felt like he could relax.

-x-

Hotch looked over when Reid's head started nodding forward and jerking back. He smiled, it was the same thing Jack did when he was trying to stay awake long enough to finish a show. Eventually, Spencer lost the battle and his head listed to the side until it was resting on Aaron's shoulder. He left him there until the drama ended.

"Come on, sleepyhead." He pulled on the younger man until he was standing but could tell that the poor kid was more asleep than awake. Aaron guided him to the bedroom and pulled the covers back before the skinny man fell in. He pulled the covers up and tucked them around the bony shoulders. Reid kept mumbling something and grabbing at his hand when he tried to leave.

"Lmp." There was another sharp tug on his hand and again. "'mp."

Finally, he remembered Reid's fear of the dark. "Lamp, you want me to turn on the lamp." Hotch reached over and switched on the small bedside lamp. His hand was immediately released and he watched the young man burrow into the covers. He thought Spencer looked really cute and knew Garcia would kill for a picture right now.

Aaron told himself that one day he would find out why Spencer was really afraid of the dark.


End file.
